Ellen: "Scott! Can you turn it down for just a second? I can't find my cell phone!"

She had my phone on her head, trying to figure out where hers was.

Me, after pausing the music, in the sudden silence: "What, you're worried you won't find your external heart?"

"NO, you idiotic F---!!! That's my alarm! I won't wake up in time tomorrow."

"Ellen, I get up to go to the bathroom at 4 am, and you get up an hour later. You make jokes about it. You'll be fine."

"Scott, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I NEED MY PHONE!"

"Ellen, it'll be fine!"

"NO IT WON'T! IF I DON'T FIND MY PHONE, I WON'T WAKE UP!!!"

Me: "..."

No, really, that's exactly what she said. She made me turn my music off, and is wandering around like a maniac as I write this.