Last time I went to Vegas, it was a nightmare. I am sure a story somewhere on this website chronicles the hell we went through to get there. This time I'm flying solo. Well... I'm meeting up with Mom in Vegas. I meant to say "I'm flying alone."

I woke my family up at 5:15 am to get me to the airport...oh 50 feet from the house so I would make my 8:10 flight with no glitches or standing in line. I was correct with the no standing in line. What I was no prepared for was to get scanned.

SCANNED!!

Yes. I got a full body scan. All of the OVERNIGHT/EARLY MORNING crew are quite nice at the security center. So I put on my big fake smile and laughed when they asked me for a full body scan since I beeped. Ok, no biggie.

Really, It was no biggie. I did not feel xrays penetrating my body and destroying my insides. Nor did I feel as if I was going to spontaneously combust like a vampire walking out into the sunlight. Scan done!

"Miss, I need to pat you down."

Seriously?

Ok, again. No biggie. Did I get felt up from security? No. My sweater got petted like a cat. I did not have my boobs groped, nor was I asked for a full internal exam in the stirrups. What they were interested in were my hair clips, and that I had an IUD in place. That's what tripped the scanner.

I complied, did not complain and it was over in 3 minutes. I was also told I had a really pretty sweater (yes, I got patted down by a female officer for those with inquiring minds).

I also had my carry-on un-zipped. My makeup pack went through a full physical and I was given a HELPFUL TIP: Take your makeup baggies and place them in the grey buckets that go through the scanner. They are less likely to open your suitcase then and make you feel less violated. Was my dignity ruined like a cat in a bath tub? Nope. Did I cry, kick and scream? Nope. NOT A BIG DEAL.

In other words people: Quit your fucking bitching about the scanner and about your body being violated. If you want your plane to blow up in the sky, I highly suggest you move to a country that doesn't give a shit who boards it safely. And yes, I'm sure one of the reasons why they pat children down is because someone out there has thought of them as the perfect weapon.

Las Vegas, Here I come!