It's everything the shrieking chimps on my side of the peanut gallery ever wanted: scientists have discovered a microbe that eats newspapers and craps gasoline. Ok, not gasoline, but something really close to it. If we could only find one that ate columnists. Or, you know, at least Olberman. I kid, I kid...

Seriously, though. Gas has been so high for so long there are now, what, six, seven different groups chasing microbes that poop diesel or something like it? I desperately want one of these bunches to go public, because which ever one of them hits the jackpot will quite literally change the world.