The earth is going to continue to spin on its axis.
The sky has not turned purple and the clouds are not raining sulfuric acid.
You will continue to support the economy by spending spending spending (Xmas is coming up!)
None of you are moving to Canada or Europe (it's not any better there, it's worse).
Fish and frogs are not going to rain down from the sky.
Angels are not thundering across the heavens (though I did give a strangely pale horse an apple recently.)
The missiles are still in their silos.
The rivers are not running with blood (well maybe the one with the dead guy in it.)
We have barely seen a grasshopper, let alone a plague of locusts (though if my skink turns up again, I'm taking a picture.)
My Italian grandmother has not climbed out of her grave demanding to see her great-grandchild.

Cats and dogs are not sleeping together! Nor is there mass hysteria!

You can put on your sack cloth, you can dust yourself with ashes. You can whack yourself on your heads with boards just like in Monty Python. If you feel you really need to mourn, let me know. I'll hire you some professional Italian widows. But 2 weeks from now, suck, it up.

You can go about your business now.

Move along, move along.

As appropriate today as it was 6 years ago when Ellen wrote it.