Scott: “You’re going to what? I’m sorry, now what are you going to pierce? For your birthday?”

Me: “Why not!? Working my way down the body! You only live once!”

Scott: “Don’t you already have enough holes in your body?”

Me: *counting* 1,2,3… 6… “hrmm..NO?”

Scott, resigned: “Your body, your birthday.

Me: *happy dance!*

Fast forward to today:

I’m sitting in the lobby of Rick’s Tattoos in Virginia waiting my turn to get pierced. Looking at the couch at my two friends who I dragged with me, I notice one is a bit green and the other is just glad he got out of work for an hour.

Me: “D , why are you the one gagging and being green when it’s not you who’s having this done!?”

D: *Shudders and does a phantom gag* “Boobs….” *gag*

Need I mention he “plays for the other team?” Girl boobs gross him out. He was also the one that had to check them out at work when we got back from our adventure.

C: *Laughs and points at D.*

Waiting in line sucks. There is a new piercer and she is taking forever. It shouldn’t take 20 minutes to pierce someone’s ear cartilage. Other important parts I can see, but not an ear. It’s like sticking a needle through a nerf ball, for God’s sake…

I was grateful that when I got my appointment it was with the senior female piercer of the shop. She had me in and out in 12 minutes. This time, unlike the last nose piercing, Chris wasn’t allowed in to tape it. That said, I think I’m disappointed I didn’t let him. It would’ve made a great YOU TUBE video, plus I really need a hand to hold.

R, the piercer: “Ok! Wow! You have nice boobs! I had some chick in here the other day and her surgeon sucked! Yours is great! They don’t feel fake at all!”

Me: “I KNOW! I love them! Best cash I’ve ever spent on myself.”

I notice that I can’t look at “R” as she pencils her dots in and examines my boobs with a fine tooth comb. Or, you know, bra, or something… ANYWAY…

R: “You know this is going to hurt, right? And I promise not to pop your boobs,” I suddenly hear the screaming fireworks my in-laws were horrified by this past July 4th, “they’re fabulous and they’re going to look great! I’m just being honest with you.”

Me: “Ready!!”– or am I…

Wow… that’s cold. Ugh… that pinches…

HOLYSHITTHATFUCKINGHURTSANDIHAVETODOITONEMORETIME!!!

R: “Ok! One done! How are you doing?”

Me: “Ok!” *holy shit, that hurt*, “That smarted!” *no it really hurt, bad*

It actually felt like ‘the hot poker’ people speak of. The poke, not so bad, the drag of the needle? WOW.

And I had to do this one more time.

At this point in time “R” starts to tell me about how she is pierced everywhere about 3- 5 times. She gets bored with them, takes them out, decides she wants them back and does it again. Sort of like someone who’s never satisfied with their underwear, except they have to unscrew the end, and it goes through…

Me, I’m consistent. I get one, I keep it. I take care of it. All that pain and cash to take it out and do it again? NOPE. Not me.

I also notice she has the most awesome shade of red lipstick on.

R: “Ready!?”

Me: “Ugh..not really…” *HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT!* This time I did the kicking of the chair dance.

R: “Done!” *laughing* “You did better than most!”

I don’t remember breaking a sweat. What I do remember is her telling me about my after care and oh when I stand up expect to bleed. No shit. I basically needed a pair of mini pads in my bra for an hour.

During the entire course of this event I am texting my partner in crime, “A” [AMBER!! – ed] on where I am in this event.

Do I think it was worth it? Would I do that again?

This is why I pierce ONE body part, keep it clean, take care of it and NOT do it again! Well, except when I have two things that need piercing. But NEVER AGAIN.

My story, sticking to it.

Did I mention how cool I think it is that Nina got…