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Adventures At A Drive Through
Never ever bring a parrot that is “addicted” to McDonald’s French Fries through their drive through.
WHY?
Look at my ear.
WTF?
No really, look at my ear. What do you see? Well, ok, you don't see anything, you're reading, so I'll tell you: a freaking puncture! Who needs to go to a local piercer for professional work when all they have to do is borrow Swoozie, drive through McDonald’s, and ask for French fries? We'd long known that you cannot mention the "double-f word" without some sort of hostility or excitement from the parrot.
I was taught a higher level of that today in the McDonald’s drive through.
“I’ll have a four piece chicken nugget happy meal with apple dippers and chocolate milk!” I shout into the kiosk.
“Anything else?”
“Yes, I need one plain hamburger and a small French fry.”
The pain is sudden and startling.
“That will be $5.53, drive through.”
At this point I want to snap this green chicken's neck. “Dammit! You f’ing bird! No biting! I said NO!!”
“Oh Mommy! Your ear is all red! Are you bleeding!?”
Runs fingers around ears. “No, no blood! You F*%ng bird! No biting! I said NO!”
There is no such word NO. Not when it comes to the “Golden Arches”. To a certain Pionus Parrot in our house, the “Golden Arches” = heaven. Golden, crunchy, salty heaven. The excitement is too much to hold in! One cannot “wait” for the fries to be within reach, and if the word is spoken, all hell breaks loose.
On my shoulder.
And my ear.
Ouch.
Driving up to pay for our meal with a parrot shouting “BABY BIRD!” over and over again while you hand over your debit card can be embarrassing. Not for me, but for the teller. The shit they have to deal with on a daily basis, then this?
“Err… can I get the girl's toy’?
Apparently our McD’s ladies are not so smart... again. Please note, I have a girl in my car. She wants a Happy Meal with a ‘girl's toy’, not a BOY'S toy. I know you really can’t speak English, but please, I hope you can distinguish a boy from a girl. That’s where all of my taxes are going to, for you people to have kids and be illegal at the same time.
So now not only do I have a parrot screeching about French Fries “FRENCH FRY! FRENCH FRY! FRENCH FRY! BABY BIRD! BABY BIRD! WHERE'S OLIVIA WHERE'S OLIVIA! FRENCH FRY!”, I have a 6 year old crying that the ‘toy’ she got was from the "old" toy collection 3 weeks ago. *Bangs head on dashboard*
Moments after leaving I did a stupid thing. I handed Olivia the bag of food.
Not smart. Possibly the dumbest thing I did all day.
NEVER pass fries over the bird.
Swoozie is a French fry connoisseur. She can distinguish homemade in the deep fryer fries to these bad boys any day. She can tell what fast food place they have been, how old they are etc.. NOTHING compares to McD’s. NOTHING.
Passing the food bag to Olivia demonstrated this.
The next thing Olivia and I remember is a shower of French Fries and a ‘very’ proud bird nomming on a ‘super fry’. The French Fry among French Fries. The biggest one in the bag.
“Mommy! *Olivia laughing*,"Swoozie stole your fries!"
Yes…yes, you damn bird ,you did.
Burger King? bleh. Wendy’s? Sucks. Golden Arches? Let the angels sing!