"AMCG," we hear you ask, "that wonderful preacher with the tent came by my town and ensured I was ready for The Rapture. My soul is clean with minty freshness, and his ability to guide us through judgment is ensured by my large donation. We've known Fluffy the Cat was going to hell since she crapped in my new shoes. But what about Skipper? He's such a sweet dog!"

Fear not, friendly fundie, AMCG is here to help! Presenting Eternal Earthbound Pets, a service which promises to, for a modest fee, provide an atheist to care for your pet once you have been taken up to your ultimate reward. Act now! The spelled-in-reverse bone-gnawing deity you save could be your own!