Ruh-Roh:

Doctors have issued a warning about excessive cola consumption after noticing an increase in the number of patients suffering from muscle problems, according to the June issue of IJCP, the International Journal of Clinical Practice.

So says the admirably scare-mongering headline. A close reading reveals that an undisclosed number of people who drank two to nine liters of soda a day suffered a variety of ailments one would presumably expect from a population consuming orders of magnitude more sugar and caffeine per day than the general population.

Using such an observation to preach a back-handed sermon on our bourgeois lifestyle makes for admirable watermelon-rolling, but not particularly informative journalism.