Fark linked up this Chicagoland police blotter summary which proves (again) my main axiom about criminals, to wit:

That's topped by the "my-kids-made-me-do-it" explanation a 25-year-old man offered after he was caught with cocaine in September. He told police he had gone back to using drugs because he was extremely upset after his 6-year-old was teased at school. He is officially banned from wearing "No. 1 Dad" hat.

People turn to a life of crime because they're too stupid to do anything else.