For another entry in the "convince-everyone-to-send-me-a-buck-get-rich-quick" file, we have Alex's "American Dream" fund, wherein someone (presumably Alex) is trying to raise money for a gold-and-diamond "grill". I'm so old-school I kept wondering why the hell anyone would want to put gold and diamonds on their cookout gear and what exactly did it have to do with teeth anyway? Then I re-read it. And then I re-read it again. Which was then followed by the ol' lightbulb over the head slowly sputtering to life.

No, Ellen, you can't have one.