Problem: Adults are getting fatter, all over the world. Women in denial about this try and buy clothing too small for them, leading to any number of feminine fashion emergencies and men trying to claw their eyes out.

Solution: Cheat:

While Americans have statistically gotten larger, women's clothing has gotten smaller -- that is, if the numbers on the size labels are to be believed. It's no secret that retailers have been playing to women's vanity for years by downsizing the sizes on garment labels, but the practice has reached an extreme in recent months with the introduction of the sizes ''double zero" and ''extra, extra small." If vanity sizing continues on this path, analysts say, it is only a matter of time before clothing sizes are available in negative integers.

Ok, how to relate this to your garden-variety beer swilling male pig. Hmm... ok, remember when insurance companies started raping people when they tried to buy a high-performance car, so the car companies started low-balling the horsepower ratings? It's sort of like that, but in a skirt.