Sometimes I think we're a lot alike. Then...

Me, at the dinner table with Ellen, in a 'bouncy-bright-eyed-Amberesque-optimistic' tone: "So, what is it exactly about biking you like? I really like the speed. I think it's cool!"

Ellen's eyes suddenly lit with a weird internal fire, and I swear her voice dropped three octaves into a stentorious baritone, vividly reminding me of a certain movie character. "Oh no, I love the pain. I need to get a trainer so I can ride even when it's cold."

Me, not realizing the danger, still in full-blown Prairie Dawn mode: "You don't want a trainer! It'll make everything the same. Let me order you some lights so you can go out when it's dar--"

I swear, I swear at this point I suddenly started hearing that classic, slow whooosh -- pahhhh, whooosh -- pahhh, "You're as clumsy as you are ignorant. I do not ride for the same reasons you do. Our goals are different. Our reasons are different. I find your lack of understanding disturbing."

And yes, children, at that moment her hand did twitch slightly with her thumb and forefinger in a clench. Suddenly I realized that, for now at least, I'm in front on group rides because I lead.

I have a feeling one day it will be because I'm fleeing.

The trick is to figure out how to fit those side buns under a helmet.