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Another Milestone
Yesterday Ellen, coming home from a multi-hour shopping run with Olivia, trudged up the stairs and presented me with an ultimatum: "Don't say the f- word in front of Olivia, Ok?"
To which I, sitting on the couch watching the Redskins trounce the 49'ers, could only reply with some puzzlement, "Um, ok. Sounds like a plan. Any reason we're starting today?"
Ellen: "No. It's just a bad idea and I don't want you teaching her any more bad habits!"
Me: "Hey, it's not like I handed her that beer!" Which got me one of those "significant" looks. "Well, I did take it right back!"
Just then Olivia, who had been tap-stepping up the stairs holding an animated conversation with one of her shoes, reached the top and walked into the living room. She sighed heavily, looked straight at Ellen, and delivered this judgement:
"Fuckit-mommy! Fuckit!"
After one of the most pregnant pauses in history, I said, with that "ancient Chinese secret, huh?" tone, "Ah yes, we certainly wouldn't want her to learn any of my bad habits. That would be just... terrible."
Ellen didn't so much as bat an eye, "Fu-- rrr-- Dam-- rrr-- Darned right!" Then she started unpacking.
It's proving to be a bit of a challenge to discipline Olivia about this. Not only does she drop the ol' f-bomb at the most surreal moments (we're still trying to tease the meaning out of "fuckit Elmo shoe strawberry"), but she does it with her patented Cute Child Voice. We have a really hard time not completely cracking up, which would of course only encourage her.
Well, we still have several weeks to go before the next visit from a Gramma, so hopefully this'll be under control by then. Of course, there's also the potential for Ellen to self-detonate from all her pent-up f-bomb energy.
I promise to be on my best behavior! I will even bring my own Lava soap to wash out my potty mouth.
Posted by: Grandma Pat on October 24, 2005 04:59 PMhah - and I won't help encourage this. Really. Especially the older she gets when it might become more critical for those lovely parent/teacher conferences. And since I made mine hell for my parents, here's my chance to help make your's hell as well...
Posted by: ronaprhys on October 24, 2005 07:42 PMOh man... that's hilarious.
There's a baby on the way in this household (my sister is well into her last trimester), and these are the things that no new parent ever really thinks about. I can just picture the little one calmly injecting some obscenities into an everyday conversation.
And Aunt Silver will stand to the side and laugh and laugh while her sister and brother-in-law try to destroy the potty-mouth side of their precious child.
Posted by: SilverBubble on October 25, 2005 01:31 PMI heard this third-person, so make of it what you will, but rarely a baby's very first word will be "fuck." When a baby is first learning how to vocalize, they often experiment with repeating syllables like "mamama" and such. One of my co-workers swears that her 5-month-old niece was doing this with "fa," and then suddenly out of nowhere said "fuck!"
Keep this excuse in mind for your next child...
Posted by: Tatterdemalian on October 25, 2005 02:34 PMI can have a dirty mouth sometimes (better get me that Orbits gum, I guess) when I'm angry, but I almost never swear in front of my kids and never, ever anything harsher than "damn." Still, that's way too much and I'm working on it.
However, my son started picking up swear words from TV. It's used so casually that one almost never notices it. When he started repeating them, though, we made it a point to notice it. Our kids are now limited to PBS kids shows and kids' videos.
Posted by: Jinx McHue on October 25, 2005 03:38 PMOlivia hasn't progressed much beyond Barney, Elmo, Barbie, and the Wiggles, so we're OK there. About a month before she turned two I noticed she was paying a lot of attention to a rather violent anime show I stumbled across, and from that point on I, too, have paid much more attention to the grownup stuff that's shown around her.
Posted by: scott on October 25, 2005 03:42 PMLook at this way; when she gets old enough, she could be the next Dennis Miller.
Posted by: a lurker called fatman on October 25, 2005 04:51 PMI remember when my son was about 16 months old and spoke his first complete sentence..."Pick that fucking toy up off the floor". Said in the most innocent of voices. We changed our act quickly
Posted by: sleere on October 25, 2005 05:03 PMI remember when my son was about 16 months old and spoke his first complete sentence..."Pick that fucking toy up off the floor". Said in the most innocent of voices. We changed our act quickly
Posted by: sleere on October 25, 2005 05:03 PMWhen I was in junior high and trudging around the soccer fields in East San Jose, I developed the ability to swear fluently in Spanish.
Perhaps you and your wife should take some, er, immersion lessons.
Posted by: JD on October 25, 2005 07:58 PMMy late Great-Aunt Gloria taught my Aunt Michele the f-word at a very young age. I don't know what the result was while she was growing up; she never said.
Posted by: Josh Cohen on October 26, 2005 09:35 AMHeh, my cousin's in 2nd grade and both her parents listen to a lot of rock. One day her mom was called into class. The teacher had freaked out because she was humming the Iron Man tune while coloring.
Posted by: Jordan on October 26, 2005 09:45 AMImmersion lessons? Olivia is the one who can speak Farsi! :) Who knows what she says in that language.
Posted by: ellen on October 26, 2005 10:29 AMI think she says, "Durka durka mohammed jihad".
Okay - I know it's tasteless, but that was a damn funny movie.
Posted by: ronaprhys on October 26, 2005 12:32 PM