I used to think this sort of thing was how I'd quickly collect on Ellen's life insurance (via panic-induced heart attack):

A 12-year-old boy awoke to an unpleasant surprise this week when a python bit him in his bed. Michael Rodriguez discovered the 4-foot snake clinging to his right arm early Monday morning. He flailed his arm, flinging the snake to the carpet.

Now I know it'd be all I could do to keep her from adopting it. Thing is, these people don't even own a snake!