You all have been keeping up with Azrael's continuing saga of an American in Japan, right? You should:

After dinner, we were talking about what to do next. Initially, the other girl who was at the party (I'll call her Satchmo, her actual name is kinda close to that so it reminds me of that Jazz player Louis Armstrong) was supposed to come too, but she couldn't come join us because she had a stomach ache...but she wanted us to come to her house. I was like fuck that, if she can't come then I'm not gonna go see her, but my coke-addicted date was adamant, so off we went to see Satchmo.

Satchmo lives in this VERY TINY little space above a coffee shop. I can't stress how small this place was. And it wasn't just her. NO! It was her whole family too...spin around in your computer chairs right now, imagine dividing your room into three bedrooms, a kitchen, and a tiny bathroom, and you have an idea of the space here.
...
Satchmo asks us if we want coffee. I don't, but she goes to get it anyway. Then Satchmo's mom walks by...who looks like a JAPANESE GYPSY CRACK WHORE. I shit you not, that's exactly what it was. "You guys want bananas?" She asks. I had no idea how to respond to that, the whole JAPANESE GYPSY CRACK WHORE thing was weirding me out. She disappears and reappears a second later with a buschel of bananas she drops on the table. Satchmo comes back with the coffee, and ice cream. GYPSY CRACK WHORE brings a plate of strawberries. ...OK.

Nice to see dating can be just as loopy (probably moreso) on the other side of the Pacific. Makes me very glad I'm not single.