One of the biggest lessons I got from watching the A&E show Airline was: don't show up drunk. If you do show up drunk, stay very very cool, keep your mouth shut, and stay away from the bar. Otherwise they can and will keep you off the flight. Now I know what it looks like when that policy isn't rigidly enforced:

We noticed you right away when you got on the plane – I mean, it would have been hard not to, what with your overly loud conversations on the phone with your friends regarding the NFL football player who bought you 4 shots of Patron in the airport bar after you already had a ton of drinks already. We were all really proud of you, and ever so happy to hear that you had exchanged numbers with him and you guys were such buddies and honey, I was crossing my fingers for you to hook up with him at some later date. We also sympathized with your requests for “something to smoke” when you got home, and by the way, thanks for keeping it so loud so that we could all share in that happy conversation. I think some of the older folks were particularly impressed.

Oh it gets much better. Well, better for us on the ground at any rate.

And for all of you travelers who glare, sigh dramatically, roll your eyes, or swear under your breath when my child gets fussy on the airplane? I bet you thought parents didn't notice you doing that. I guess you all seem to think we enjoy sitting next to our own shrieking child, that we do it on purpose just to rain on your little day. F- you, because if you read the linked story you'll realize it can get a whole lot worse than a little kid yelling for ten minutes.