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A Guide, for the Rest of You
Ron and I are the only football fans in our current circle of friends. The rest try to indulge my Cliff-Claven-like ability to sound smart while being completely wrong about a call, and do their best not to look alarmed when Ron screams "That's right! That's right! Who's your daddy now biatch?!?"
However, now that we've cat-herded them all into a Super Bowl party, I figured this "How to Fake It" guide would be appropriate preparatory material. Remember, there'll be a test later on!
Also - it helps to learn a few penalties, just to make the guess at when their called...
(To stay in the venacular...)
If the guy in the black and white pinstripes throws the yellow flag prior to anything happening:
False start, five yards, replay the down.
If they guy in the black and white pinstripes throws the yellow flag near where all the big guys are pushing each other around:
Holding. Ten yards. Replay the down
If someone grabs a the front of their little helmets and you see their head twist around like the top on your twist-off frosted barley pop:
Facemask - 15 yards. Replay the down
Now, will you be correct on all of these? Nope - but they're safe bets...
Go Patriots! (even though I'm a Cowboys fan, there is no way in hell I can root for the Iggles to win. That's tantamount to saying Michael Moore makes useful movies. Like voting for Hitler. Like asking for a little dolphin to go with your tuna. Like... Well, you get the point.)
Posted by: ron on January 27, 2005 08:36 AM