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When Good Knives do Bad Things
The Weapon:
Note the distinctive scallops in the blade, designed to ensure it doesn't drag when cutting meat.
The Results:
Note the clean quality of the cut. Just before I thwacked him with the above illustrated Franken-hand, my husband-thing said "damned right. Paid good money for that. Told you honing made a difference!"
(Sorry for the pix quality... Scott said it really didn't need to be that focused)
I spent 2 hours in the ER this morning. 6 A.M to 8 A.M to be exact. I have 2 sets of stiches. One set inside, one set outside.
Everyone at the ER was shocked to see a bright cheerful person come bounding in at 6 in the morning saying, in a sing-song voice, "Hi!!! I cut my finger real bad. I think I need stitches." *note blood running down the arm, soaking my dishcloth and gauze-covered finger.* [Scott: "you were cheerful? With your finger half cut off? Do you save cheerful up in a tank somewhere and just let it out for strangers?!?" ... Silly husband, happiness is for other people, I'm not going to waste it on you...]
Lidocaine hurts... it hurts bad. Especially when the doctor jams it into your wound. "Ya know (aaaAAAGGGGG!!!) You can add a bit of sodium bicarb to take (JESUS F-ING CHRIST!!!) the sting out."
ME: *big grin while trying not to pass out...*
"Lemme guess, you're a vet tech."
No shit Sherlock. I was wearing my scrubs.
"Most of my girls on the floor are former vet techs, they're all smart-asses, but the best nurses I've worked with. They don't let you get away with anything."(sly grin from the doctor) *stitch stitch stitch. flinch flinch flinch*
Nurse, in a characteristic head side-to-side move: "Girl, you almost cut your finger off, really."
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I thought it was a minor flesh wound. You know, like that black knight in Grail. Hell, I even spurted blood. How's that for fidelity?
Within 10 minutes* my finger was back together and I went walking out the door, ready to get Scott, O and head to work.
Tonight typing just sucks. But those pain meds... woo hoo! Those pain meds... almost makes it worth it.
Almost
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* For the whole procedure, mind you. The lead up, though, is an hour of waiting with people looking at you in a puzzled way while you're doing a punctured V8 imitation and making the janitors twitch
When they say "Do not try this at home."
They REALLY mean "DO NOT, under any circumstances, attempt to look like Yan Can Cook, because you are NOT at him."
OUCH!
Heal fast!
Soooo Sorry for your poor finger, makes my finger ache just looking at it. Grab something(with your right hand) and smack the first person who says "didn't you have anything better to do" or "you will do anything to get out of work" Thank God for Percocet!
Hugs and I hope it stops hurting really soon!
Posted by: Pat on October 26, 2004 12:22 AMEllen - what would make you do such a silly thing as cut your finger open? It's just that it sounds like a silly thing to do to first thing in the morning...
Posted by: ron on October 26, 2004 09:26 AMI know your bosses wanted you to dress up for Halloween but I dont think they expected you to actually turn into Franken-ellen for it! ;o)
I hope your finger heals quickly!
Can we all start calling her Frodo the Nine-Fingered?
Posted by: ron on October 26, 2004 07:20 PMYikes!! What were you trying to cut??
Posted by: Dianne on October 26, 2004 07:26 PMThat's the irony. She was just trying to cut bread.
Seems to be a running joke in our lives... most people seem to get sent to hospitals because of a spectacular skiing accident, or some lunatic attempt on a skateboard. Us? We get sent to ER because Ellen loses a knife fight with herself, or I clonk my toe on the damned stairs, or Olivia splats the ceiling with puke.
Most of the time I laugh at the guys on Jackass. But sometimes, just sometimes, I think "well, at least they're going to the hospital for a reason."
Posted by: scott on October 26, 2004 09:38 PMAnytime something you do causes blood to pour you have a very good reason to go to the ER. Now clonking your toe on the stairs is not an emergency situation unless, your toe point a different direction than your foot!
Posted by: Pat on October 27, 2004 12:06 AMRon, go eat a worm!!!!
Posted by: Pat on October 27, 2004 12:15 AMworms are rather tasty, when cooked right.
actually, i would say that cutting bread leads to horrible wounds. Ellen's had one, Amber's had one.
what can we learn from this? Don't cut bread. just rip chunks off. much better that way.
Posted by: ron on October 27, 2004 10:25 AM