Ok, obligatory background: Kryptonite bike locks have been proven to be ridiculously easy to pick, using just a bic pen. Their reaction: recall the locks, which might save them half a dozen lawsuits. Won't be much good against the other 20,000 though. But what would it be like if some other manufacturer or entitiy was responsible for this debacle? Well, let's find out::

The solution to the problem, THAT is the issue. Let's gather around and think of what the big organizations/individuals would do to solve a problem such as this.

US goverment: Liberate bike from thief using a squadron of B2 bombers. At one point or another, several brits die, even if Rhumself has to find them and kill them himself. Bic pens linked to Al-Qaida.
Australian goverment: Send in Steve Irwin. If he gets killed, it's a good thing. If catches the thief, it's a better thing.
Brittish goverment: Sod the thief, fancy a scone, dear chap?
United Nations: Convene in an emergency session, go into recess after 10 minutes for cookies and tea. In the end, they condemn the theft but none of them manages to do fuck all.
European Union: The French and the Brits start bitching at eachother about which country has superior Bic pens. Germany and Spain wonder since when the damn Brits are part of Europe. The rest of Europe tried to talk tough before getting bitchslapped into submission by Germany and France.

RIAA: Claim that people who open locks use it to fund terrorism. Randomly sue locksmiths.
Microsoft: Vehemently deny existence of faulty locks. Release hotfix for existing locks, which consists of pouring glue in keyhole.
SCO: Sue Bic, 3M, Canada, a random seagull and the tooth fairy for copyright infringement on their proprietary way of opening locks with ballpoints.

Richard Stallman: Proudly proclaim the bike simply wanted to be free.
Eric S Raymond: Something irrelevant that contains a plug for "The Cathedral and the Bazaar".
Larry Wall: Make all locks so confusing that thieves don't know how to open them. Nor do the owners. Or manufacturers, for that matter.
George Lucas: Make a movie about bikes being stolen with Bic pens. Milk this movie out until 2050.
Bruce Willis: Get a bunch of oil drillers to find the thief and shove a nuke up his ass. And for the love of Eris, someone PLEASE screw Liv Tyler!

Mine is sitting next to my computer, unused and not even pulled out of its package. Good thing I never actually got around to biking to the beer pub!