Or else:

A 20-year-old waitress has been arrested for allegedly ordering the slayings of two customers who allegedly made rude remarks and tried to grab her as she served them drinks, authorities said.

Ellen: "Amateur. I'd do it myself. The fewer people involved the better. Heh."*

She's read Death's Acre and taken notes. Let's just say it's good that Ellen went into medicine.

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* Actual quotes from AIM conversation regarding this article. No, really!