"AMCGLTD", we hear you ask, "my boyfriend wants to go out on a road trip with his buddies, but they all have the common sense of oatmeal. How can I make sure he'll get home safely, and won't get stolen by some enterprising hussy?"
Fear not gentle reader! AMCGLTD is there for you! Presenting Boyfriend-Marker, your one-stop-shop for permanent, safe, and humane boyfriend tags. Their patented and nearly painless system helps ensure your man will never wander far from home. All tag numbers are registered in a central "boyfriend come home" database, giving you peace of mind that should your man meet with an unfortunate boating accident or a slut who's handy with tools, the tag will be returned to you wherever it is found. Order yours today!