I'm the president of a great country, and I'm a good president. I'm not gonna say my nationality so I can protect my anonyminimity.

A lot of people seem to think I'm a bad president; oh well phooey on them, I'm gonna be reelected because I cut taxes and there are more jobs this month and I'm going after the evil-doers.

Now about the evil-doers, here's why I'm doing that. It's a very simple thing to explain, but a lot of people just don't seem to follow my simple logic here. See, they're evil-doers because they do evil. And I'm the president, whose job it is to protect the people. I've got to do that because it's my job. It's so obvious I feel silly even having to explain it.

Sheesh.

Why can't people understand that? Everyone knows Arabs want to hurt us, and Saddam is an Arab evil-doer. So of course Saddam must be out to get us, right? Anyone who thinks that Saddam isn't tied to Al Kayda must be retarded. My logic is inescapable. Man, Democrats are retarded.

Because I'm an open-minded guy, I wonder sometimes if I'm doing the right thing, but then I think well of course I'm right because my cabinet told me so and I'm the president. I feel good when I reason things out like that. People say I'm not open-minded, but they're wrong. Ha, screw 'em.

My cabinet always agrees with me except for the Secretary of State. He's always sayin' stuff like "A doctrine of preemptive war is a first in American history and as such should be a Constitutional matter, not a tactical command decision" or some crap like that. He's always sayin' high-falutin' stuff like that. Why Dick wants him around I'll never figure out.

Oh yeah, my confession is I'm kinda hot for my National Security Advisor and I sometimes look at porn on the net.