Taken from Omnipolitan Magazine:

Those silly Americans are at it again, throwing their weight around and generally trying to get it all their way. But what's a leader to do in these uncertain times? George Bush is obviously a threat to the stability of the entire world, and we just bet you're feeling a little anxious about your own little corner of it. Fear not! The editors of Omnipolitan Magazine have prepared this survey to help you determine just how likely you are to be invaded by the United States:

1. The government of your country is:
   1. Democratic
   2. Communist
   3. "Citizen-validated" dictatorship or Monarchy
   4. None of your beez-naus, you obnoxious American fart-knockher
2. Your economy is run by:
   1. itself
   2. five year plans, when not meddled with by Capitalist scum whose entire race will be erased from history if we ever catch them at it again.
   3. Oil
   4. I cannot bee-leeve you. Onlee ig-no-rhant Americans would not understand the true way to Fhre-dhom is through zee kindness of zee state.
3. Your military is:
   1. A well oiled, well controlled machine capable of striking anywhere on the globe
   2. The most fearsome proof of the innate superiority of the prolitariat's true power. Except when the minisubs wash up on someone's shore.
   3. Manned by illiterate draftees, lead by my best friends, equipped by France or the US.
   4. Sacreblu! Our militaree ees second to non! Jes because our haircraft-caree-er had to be towed back to zee harbor twice ees no sign of our pre-pahred-nas. [book falls from shelf, BANG!!] AAG! I surrender! I surrender!
4. The women in your country are:
   1. Equal or near-equal participants in all aspects of political, social, and legal life.
   2. A part of the worker's paradise just like the men. When they aren't busy watching their children starve to death, that is.
   3. Only allowed out with their cousin's-uncle's-mother's-brother-in-law, and even then only when covered by three layers of cloth (if it's below 120 at least).
   4. Mon dieu! How ees ze way a so-sy-itay's tratemon zepposed to haf any bear-eeng on zee discu-shee-on? Ze weemon, zey are, how do you say, ha-pee. Who caires what the rest of zese monkees do with zaire weemon.
5. The children in your country are:
   1. As safe and protected as we can possibly make them
   2. Ensuring the continuation of the glory of our wonderful, all-powerful, and joyous leader. When they aren't busy starving to death, that is.
   3. Fuses
   4. Hee-den away so zay cannot be corrup-ted by zee crass an 'orrible American cul-tyoor.
6. When your people disagree with your government they:
   1. vote the scoundrels out the first chance they get.
   2. are obviously defective and must be taken quickly to a re-education camp for an indefinite period of time.
   3. disappear
   4. Are seemplee confused by zee enlightened policees of ze unelected beuracracy whose sole inte-rest is thaiyr libartee.
7. When threatened, your country's first response is:
   1. To make a lot of noise, convince as many of our friends as possible of the danger, then start kicking ass.
   2. To threaten the corrupting capitalists with utter annhiliation.
   3. To secretly strap bombs to kids, cars, buildings, women, and donkeys, while wailing away about how our fourteen century old culture is about to be wiped out by Zionists and Americans.
   4. To negotiate, but of course, while our crack special forc-es find out wheech official eet will be most efficiant to bribe.
8. If attacked, your country's first response would be to:
   1. Pull together, bury our dead, heal our wounded, then start kicking ass.
   2. collapse
   3. collapse
   4. Ha-ha! Onlee zee Americans, because of zayre eegnorant and boorish ways, haf anything to fear from zee world. Our enlight-eend policy of briberee and pro-test protects us from [cat knocks over vase, CRASH!!] AAG! I surrender! I surrender!
9. If some citizens of your country organize so they can more effectively disagree with your policies, you:
   1. Are required by law to allow them to assemble. You also listen to what they have to say, modify your policies (if only a little) to try and accommodate them, and arrest anyone who's smoking pot, if only to thin the crowd a bit.
   2. Roll tanks into whatever village or neighborhood is full of these dangerous spies and traitors to show them the consequences of disagreeing with our benevolent and enlightened policies.
   3. Use gas. It's faster.
   4. Allow zem to para-lyze zee entire countree because zay tink zay need forty more hou-ers of vacation.
10. If shown an inkblot, an average citizen in your country would think it was:
    1. A burger. MMmm... burgers...
    2. What was left of their husband, who disappeared six months ago because he said the glorious leader might need a haircut. No! Wait! I didn't mean that he-[BANG!]
    3. What was left of your sister after she nobly sacrificed herself in the name of God ensuring the Zionist conspirators infesting that daycare center were taken care of.
    4. Pah! EEt iz obvious-lee zee work of an enlight-ened arteest, only zee ignorant American would theenk it was a bur-ger.

Scoring:

A answers: 0 points
B answers: 10 points
C answers: 25 points
D answers: -5 points

0-20 points What the hell is wrong with you? The US might be loud, annoying, and obnoxious but you know damned good and well what would happen if something really bad happened to your country. Hint: it won't be the French offering you the biggest airlift force in the world, and it won't be MADE IN JAPAN stamped on the tons of relief supplies raining down from the sky.

21-100 points Well, the US probably isn't all that interested in invading you, but you shouldn't be surprised if mysterious airplanes so full of electronics you can pick them up from your fillings patrol off your coasts.

100-200 points Probably not any time real soon, but I'd make sure to pack some fresh underwear in your [pinky to mouth] super-secret escape capsule [/pinky to mouth], because if you don't straighten up soon you're probably next.

250-500 points Goddammit Saddam, quit screwing around.

-50-0 points You're French, which makes you annoying, effete, two-faced, deceitful and an ingrate, but it doesn't make you a target. Go back to eating cheese and boinking your mistress and let the real countries take care of business. We'll let you know when it's safe to come out and play.