So I'm sitting here, minding my own business enjoying my newly-reworked computer playing a first-person-shooter and defending the free world from communism when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes from upstairs:

bwAhWahWAHwahWAH

WHAHAHAHAAH!!!!

Now, I have a hunch what this is, but sitting down here is definitely not Politically Correct. Not when "Oi-yam carryin' yoi chyld!" So, like a dutiful husband I put the game on pause and trudge upstairs to see what the hell is wrong.

"Th-Th-Th-The osc-osc-oscar... it-it-it jumped out at me!!!" she said, pale and still bouncing up and down like a pogo stick, "i-i-i-it jumped awl the whay outta tha tyank an took da food right outta my hyaa-and!!!" (she gets New York when she gets scared) [hop hop hop]

I look at the oscar. The less-than-one-pound, barely bigger than your hand oscar. He looks back at me, swear to god, with this look like, "don't ask me man, I was just hungry." If he had shoulders he would've shrugged them.

Some people are frightened by ghosts, others by spiders, still others by things that go "bump" in the night.

My girl loses three years from the antics of a half pound wannabe trout.