What seems to have been lost on our pressmonkies, probably because nobody's handed them a release about it lately, are the real reasons behind why the Palestinians went to Oslo, and why they don't seem to be interested in going back today.

Until 1991, Palestinians had been quite successfully portraying themselves to the rest of the Arab world as oppressed innocents being ground under the boot heel of a global Jewish conspiracy. No, really, that's what they believed (see Historical Forces), and because of this successful PR campaign all the various Palestinian "liberation" organizations had essentially unlimited funds to play with.

That all changed with the Gulf War. As they have throughout their history, the Palestinians weighed all their options very carefully, then chose the one diametrically opposed to their own best interests. By blithely deciding to publicly embrace the man who had directly threatened their dearest benefactor, the near-magic "bucket o' endless money" suddenly dried up.

At heart what brought them to the table was not their inability to fund their little terror campaigns, or buy food and goods for the downtrodden. What happened was the leadership of all these organizations suddenly found themselves unable to pay for their jaunts to the Riviera during the summer months, the three high-maintenance European mistresses, the two Mercedes, the vacation homes, the twenty cousins needing work, even the loyalty of their own bodyguards.

So, facing the loss of their cushy perqs, they (eventually, with much gnashing of teeth, tearing of shirts, and beating of breasts) decided to sit down with the Jewish devil and see if negotiation would actually give them more than waving their fanny at the world had.

And at first damned if it didn't. The money fairly squirted out of the briefcases they pointed toward Switzerland. Not only could they afford trips to the Riviera again, they could actually own the helicopters! Now you could support sixty of your cousins, allowing you to really gear up for the war you knew you'd have to fight when Arafat (finally!) kicked off.

It didn't last. Now that they were back in country and supposedly in charge, the common people started getting this weird notion that their leaders really aught to be trying to make a difference in their lives. The impudence of such low-born non-relatives to even think such a thing was simply beyond belief! Then there was the problem of all these religious wackos, who wanted it all for themselves, starting to get the idea maybe they were planting bombs in the wrong houses.

Unfortunately it was around this time Israel's own homegrown wacknuts crept out of their holes and pissed in the gearbox. Rabin's assassination was followed by the election of an eloquent conservative who had no choice but to deal with the nutballs who had perpetrated the tragedy in the first place. You could almost hear the gun they'd pointed at their own foot go off.

Netanyahu had to give the ultra-orthodox parties, the ones everyone in Israel thinks are nuttier than a Manson family reunion (and only slightly less homicidal), the authority to slowly push the Palestinians into the sea on one side and the Jordan river on the other. This played right into the hands of the Palestinian Authority, and they never looked back.

Then came the great "I-told-you-so" of September 11th. Of course now that our pressmonkies have got it in their head that Israel really is a sort of "big brother", it's turning out to be surprisingly difficult for the Israelis to get their message through (using a TOW missile when a sniper rifle would do just as well doesn't help). And that's too bad, because Israel knows something we don't. If they were to completely roll over tomorrow, drag their screaming wack-nut settlers inside the 1967 borders, and let anyone who happened to be a second cousin to a Palestinian into the territories, nothing would change.

You see, the current Palestinian leadership wants one thing and one thing only: the complete and total destruction of Israel. These old men are addicted to the money and the power and the privilege expected, no, due a "true" Arab country's leaders, and they know they'll never be able to have it with a functioning liberal democracy right next door. Now that the money taps have turned back on they have no particular reason not to hold out for exactly what they want. Certainly until Sharon was elected it wasn't their sons and daughters getting blown up.

So the Israeli's aren't kidding when they say the Palestinians must change their leadership before Israel can seriously talk peace with them. Unfortunately, history has proven the only real way to get any of them to talk is to cut off the money, and everyone knows whose keg that particular spigot is connected to.