Most of you people out there do not know about cat toys. Sure we all love to buy our pussy cats somthing nice to play, *usually expensive* and somthing new to keep them busy *cause they are lazy little shits*.

I am totally guilty for spending money on my bunch. Mostly on stuff they DON'T need. Except for those cute fuzzy mice, cat nip, sticks with feathers on them, or cat nip infused toys, blah... blah... blah...

BUT, I have found out that the BEST toy there is for a cat is free.

Let's take the PAPER BAG for instance. What a cool friggin toy! Not only is it a cave, it's a crinkly one! How bomb is that??? Plus it's so neat that the cat inside has NO idea that the cat outside is getting ready to take a dive right on top of it. Hours of fun with a paper bag. Downfall is that it looks like a sad paper bag within 30 minutes. Usually the bag gets put to sleep after that.

CARDBOARD BOXES are cool too! Just like a paper bag, but it lasts longer! Not only that, the cave can't collapse on you! The cardboard box is allowed a 3 day lifespan only. After 3 days, it's no longer a cool thing to have around.

BITS OF PAPER! How cool are these things! Not only are they fun and exciting for 10 minutes, you can collect hundreds of them!

THE SHOWER CURTAIN. This is perhaps one of the neatest permanent toys in the house. They can use it to hide behind and stalk their prey that is attempting to use their water fountain (aka- the toilet). They can lick it when you are done showering in it *fresh water, especially soapy/shampooy water is the best-lots of nutrients in soap*. Sleeping under and inside the 2 shower curtains is perhaps the best place to be, cause they get to watch you freak out and remain VERY quiet as you tear your house apart looking for them.

ORANGE JUICE INNER SEALS and FUZZY MICE are the neatest toys next to the shower curtain. Cats can cause lots of trouble with these. Watch your shoes, cats like to plant them in shoes in the hope that the toy will play back with them. Also check under your stove and fridge. Cats will come running if they see you laying on the floor by the fridge or stove * they KNOW you are rescuing their toys, and will promptly scoot them back under it when you are not looking*.

There are other cool things to for a cat to dork around with. Aluminum foil, milk rings, left over cat hair tufts on the floor *yes they DO believe this is a living critter out to get them*, and perhaps that french fry you dropped on the floor.

CAT NIP!- this is the neatest shit in the world. Makes any upset cat into a very stoned cat. Plus its cool to see them drag themselves all over the floor and just be plain stupid for once. *Oh the indignity!!!- no pictures please!*

Next time you go looking for cat toys, ask yourself if YOU want it. Most likely, the cat doesn't.